Teaching Kids How to Lose Gracefully

My mother use to tell me that even though I was a great athlete, I was a terrible loser! I can remember playing little league football and getting so upset with losing I would cry myself to sleep in the car. I can remember getting angry at my teammates after a lose and wanting to fight them because they didn't take the lose as bad as I did. I can also remember in high school standing in front of the whole varsity team screaming obscenities and challenging everyone of them to fight me after practice because they we had lost the week before which knock us out of the playoff hunt. I also recall, locking myself in the house during the weekend after losing games on Fridays and shutting down to the point that I won't take phone calls and talk to my own mother.

One particular lose stands out the most. It was my ninth grade year, we were undefeated and were squaring off against our cross town rival. Our coach wanted so bad for us to win, as did I, because all my middle school friends now went to this school and were at the game. We lost bad. When I say bad the score was us- not enough to them- pick a number to infinity. The coach was so upset with us, but he wasn't upset because of the lose per se, it was the style of losing that we displayed. The team had given up completely before the end of the third quarter which we could have clearly come back and won the game. He was so mad that the next Monday, we ran the majority of the practice. After practice, he sat us down and explain that losing wasn't the issue. He told us that it's how you deal with loses and adversity. Now that was the first time I had heard the word adversity used so after practice I had to go home and not only soak from all the running but find a Webster's Dictionary and learn what the definition of adversity meant. He explained that life was like a football game. Some days you win, some days you lose, but those days that you lose are more important because it's how you recover and come back from those loses that matters the most. Needless to say, we went on to win out the rest of our season. (I think the running put the fear of God and coach in us and it had nothing to do with his speech).

I have revisited coach's speech many days after when I have had to deal with a tough project, my business, relationships that haven't worked out the way I wanted them to, and my personal life in general. I always remember that its how you deal with adversity that really matters not the actual lose per se. I had the opportunity to read a book by John C. Maxwell entitled Failing Forward. In this book, the author talks about the major difference between achieving people and average people is their perception of and response to failure. Maxwell takes a closer look at failure-and reveals that the secret of moving beyond failure is to use it as a lesson and a stepping-stone. He covers the top reasons people fail and shows how to master fear instead of being mastered by it. I believe that sports are a great vehicle, when taught properly, to assist young athletes with learning to embrace mistakes and failure instead of avoiding it altogether.

If you look at some of the great inventors and pioneers of this great country you would see that they had magnetism towards failure and mistakes. Look at Abe Lincoln he failed miserably in a lot of ventures before going on to become the world famous President of the United States that freed the slaves. Henry Ford is another that was mistake prone with the T model car. Likewise, others such as Albert Einstein, Benjamin Franklin, Alexander Graham Bell were also advocates to learning from their mistakes to become successful. Basketball great, Michael Jordan once stated that "people are quick to remember the shots that go in; however, there are more that you missed than you actual make."

Youth sports provide children with a number of benefits. It takes them outdoors and away from the television, computer, XBox, whatever. It helps to teach them how to be a part of a team. It helps to teach them how to work as a part of team and how to understand that everyone can have a valuable role to play.

And from an entirely different perspective it provides a great place to teach children how to lose. Winning is easy. Anyone can win, but losing is not so easy. Learning how to lose is a good way to learn how to deal with adversity. It is a way to help develop coping skills and that is a critical part of raising a healthy child.

This lesson is relatively simple; however, in the country and society we live in, it is one that is not taught on a daily basis. Many times when we are playing games with others we are going to lose. You cannot win every time, even the greatest athletes lose a game here and there. If you don't believe me, think of Tennessee Titan quarterback, Kerry Collins. He is now the poster child for how to deal with failure successfully and resurrect your career.

In fact it is easier to win than to lose. Tonight think about incidents that has occurred in your life in which you lose rather in sport career, in personal life, or in your business/ career. Think about how you handle it gracefully and what lessons did you learn from it.

Until then keep moving.

Personal Trainer and Sports Psychology Consultant in Charlotte, NC